Saturday, October 10, 2015

The troubled life of someone who likes to write

Another week has come and gone and I'm probably wondering now more than ever why I keep writing. I have a handful of fans that I'm aware of who seem to love the stories I tell, but everyone else seems to think my writing sucks. I know not everyone in the world has read one of my stories, but there are just days that I feel like I couldn't tell a story well to save my life based on feedback I see.

I've had more than enough of those days this week. As I'm sure anyone who was curious guessed, Game Misconduct did not move on in the contest I entered it in. The fact that they were supposed to move only 50 books on and ended up moving 55 kind of felt a little like a nail in a coffin. They bent the rules for people they had trouble deciding on, so clearly my pitch and first chapter stunk. There wasn't any kind of feedback shared, which means I'll never know why they didn't like it.

I like to think I've grown since my days of writing Avery's and Nyx's stories three years ago. I can see it in my writing, but I still watch and wait for a person to return one of my newer books after they purchased it because I have pretty much lost any confidence that I can string words together to tell an intriguing tale. Sometimes it makes me want to cry and other times it feels like it would be a relief off my shoulders if I just gave up and went back to reading instead of making my own tales.

Which is sad because I really do love to write. I finished up The Monster in the Woods the other day and was dabbing away tears because I loved the way things ended. It wasn't at all where I thought things would go, but the characters in my head grab me and take me on a journey.

Maybe I wasn't meant to share those journeys with the world. Maybe I was meant to just write them for my own enjoyment and brain exercises. I guess that's something I need to figure out before I start on anything new.

If you're curious how my two recent journeys panned out, both Game Misconduct and The Monster in the Woods are on and While I think about things, I'll probably be pretty quiet for a while. Thank you to all of you who have become fans and have supported me. You definitely are the reasons I've kept going when people seemed to laugh at me.

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